Historically Accurate Disney Princess Song – Rachel Bloom


Oh, birds! AT SUNSET I WANDER THROUGH THE VILLAGE. GLOWING IN THE TWILIGHT AND SO QUIET. WELL, IT’S QUIET ‘CAUSE MOST PEOPLE DIED OF
A PLAGUE CAUSED BY JEALOUS WITCHES. I WANDER THROUGH THE VILLAGE AND I THINK
THAT MY LIFE IS MISSING SOMETHING DEAR AS I STOP TO REST AND COUGH UP BLOOD I WONDER:
WHEN WILL I FIND MY PRINCE? I WANDER THROUGH THE VILLAGE AND I NOTICE
THAT EVERYONE BUT ME HAS FOUND A LOVE. THERE GOES THE BLACKSMITH WITH HIS DAUGHTER/WIFE
TEN YEARS OLD AND PREGNANT WITH HER BROTHER/SON. I WANDER THROUGH THE VILLAGE SIGHING DEEPLY. SEEKING GUIDANCE FROM THE STATUE IN THE SQUARE. IT’S A STATUE OF CHRIST ADORNED WITH THIEF
HANDS OH WHEN WILL I FIND MY PRINCE? Oh look, everyone, it’s my friends from the
forest, the Jews. Hello, Jews! You know, I never did ask you: why do you
live in the forest? Oh, I see, to hide from people trying to kill
you. Well that’s very resourceful, my beaky little
friends. Tell me: have you ever had a dream that wouldn’t
come true? Oh, I see, your dream is that people WON’T
want to kill you. Well, that’s definitely a dream that won’t
come true! Oh, goodbye, goodbye! Jews. OHHHHH IF I FOUND MY PRINCE
WE’D HAVE A WEDDING ELEGANT AND RARE. WE’D DINE ON KIDNEY CREAM AND HORSE VAGINA
DRINK CHAMPAGNE AND TORTURE A BEAR. OHHHHHH IF I FOUND MY PRINCE
THE CASTLE WOULD BE FILLED WITH LOVE AND LAUGHTER AND HE’D FILL ME WITH HIS SEED, FORCIBLY AND
ROUGH I’D GIVE BIRTH TO A SON AND THEN DIE RIGHT
AFTER! I WANDER THROUGH THE VILLAGE SEEKING ANSWERS. BUT LOVE HASN’T GIVEN ME A GLIMPSE! IT ISN’T IN THIS SHOP OR IN THIS CART OF BABY
CORPSES OH, WHEN WILL I FIND MY PRINCE? WHEN, HAND JESUS?! OH, WHEN WILL I FIND MY PRINCE?? Oh, it’s my prince! Hello! (COUGH) Oh fuck.

100 comments

Beauty and the Beast was on tv for Christmas and watching it up to the first commercial is the scene of her singing through town. It reminded me of this song.

I'm thinking that on some level i should be insulted at the jewish part, considering i am jewish, but it was just to f***king funny!

This was so f*** up in many ways. 😨😨😨😱😱😱😵😵😵😖😖😖😓😓😓😫😫😫

Glad I didn’t watch this when I was 11, because I would miss out on so many levels of humour in this accurate representation. Oh, and btw «Ahh f*ck»

Omg I loved this as a teenager and now I'm just realizing that you, the most amazing person ever, is the singer!

Now I realize that this is the first video I’ve watched from Rachel before actively knowing it was her.

Died at the jews part. Love being Jewish cause it means I can laugh, and yeah yall can laugh if u aren't Jewish too😂😂😂

then the jews escaped to the middle east got their shit together controlled europe and fucked over the middle east to take their anger on something

Omg I used to watch this all the time. Now I started watching CeG and I found out it was the same person :0

I remember watching this when I was little and loosing my shit because I found it so funny. It’s so amazing to come back and realise it ties in with one of my current interests!!

Win his heart…. Hewillworshipyou.com … I'm sure this is completely Rachel Bloom approved. Dang YouTube, what a terrible ad choice.

The jew is like the guy who gets thrown out of every bar he inhabits in his life, but always blames the bartender.

Im pretty sure there were no free standing statues of christ. (Thou shalt not create a graven image) I could be wrong though.

it blew my mind when I found out this was by Rachel, this is one of my favourite things on the internet ever, i became a massive crazy ex girlfriend fan about 6 months ago, Rachel Bloom is a bright star in this world <3

I am not sure if you are related to the channel cracked but this is not the original video.
https://youtu.be/jwA1VeYpvaM

A link to the original video

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